Never Let You Go
by melodicviolet
Summary: After being raped by Blaine The First Time , Kurt finds a comfort from a reassuring and protective Sebastian. Kurt can't help but needing to be by Sebastian's side 24/7 and Sebastian struggles to fight any feelings for Kurt.
1. Prologue

**Never Let You Go**

**Pairing:** Kurt/Sebastian

**Rating:** PG-13

**Warnings: **3x05 Spoilers, Rape Victim!Kurt, Non-Con, Hurt/Comfort

**Summary: (Prompt) **After being raped by Blaine (The First Time), Kurt finds a comfort from a reassuring and protective Sebastian. Kurt can't help but needing to be by Sebastian's side 24/7 and Sebastian struggles to fight any feelings for Kurt.

* * *

**Prologue**

Kurt is squirming underneath Blaine, horrified and about to surrender. The own sound of his muffled crying confirms that this is not a violet, improbable nightmare but a horrifying reality. Blaine has him pinned to the backseat of the Navigator and is blatantly ignoring Kurt's pleads to stop. Kurt finds that screaming is useless because the lot is empty by this time, but cannot control it when Blaine begins his assault.

_Wake up,_ Kurt urges himself. _This is a nightmare and it will be over._

The pain is unbearable but Blaine is overcome by lost and ferocity, not listening to what have transformed into full out sobs from Kurt. No amount of begging changes anything and any struggling makes Blaine open to further aggressive actions.

_No, Blaine would never do this to me,_ Kurt convinces himself as another pained scream escapes his lips. It sounds unfamiliar and screechy, but is covered by the roughness of Blaine's once familiar lips.

"Please," Kurt manages to breathe out, unsure that Blaine will hear or care. "_Please_, stop it."

There is a flash of blinding light and Kurt is momentarily at a loss for words as his head and heart continue to pound in tandem. A sudden screech of tires and an enraged yell sound in what seems to be miles from the backseat. All Kurt can think is _I need to be saved. _And that's when it hits him that his once Prince Charming is becoming the villain of the story. This has to be a nightmare, of course. There is no other plausible explanation. But Kurt dares himself to take another look at Blaine who is consumed by alcohol and lust and fury - It frightens Kurt.

All he can manage to think in between the pain is _I'm gonna die here_ until the weight is lifted from his own body. There is a frigid feeling of relief to see that Blaine is no longer on top of him, but Kurt's head is spinning and the tears still run down his face, stinging his cheeks. In fear of his life, Kurt does not move and comes to a conclusion that he probably cannot anyway judging by the pain still instilled in his limbs, a strange feeling that everything is on fire.

In a world that is far away, Kurt can hear the distorted echoes of a person grunting, but not in a sexual manner. It feels surreal and Kurt cannot trust his judgment, but it sounds of a brutal fight. _What's happening _is all that can run through Kurt's hazy mind what seems a thousand times. And all of the sudden the light is covered by a figure standing over him. Kurt's heart stops and constricts into a feeling of panic and fear and anxiety and _holy shit_ is that Blaine? But instead of being crowded on top of, there is a hesitant but gentle hand reaching out to him. Kurt doesn't flinch at its touch but feels the warmth of it melt into his skin.

There is a sound approaching, but Kurt cannot place it. It's almost whiny and deafening and Kurt cannot shut it out no matter how hard he tries. It causes Kurt to leave any sense of momentary sanctuary and begins to shudder and turn into a sobbing mess. There is a moment when the figure leans over him and Kurt wants to recoil, but there is only a comforting but raspy voice that whispers into his ear, "It's okay; I'm here."

Kurt doesn't resist, but can't stop crying and trembling and feeling helpless and hopeless and _fucking_ _lost_. The events of the night at Scandals seem eons ago, a friendly memory that Kurt cannot hardly recall. The figure seems hesitant once more, but gently pulls Kurt up to a sitting position, taking him into a warm embrace and continuing to whisper reassurances into his ear. There is a tiny voice inside Kurt's head urging him to push away and keep a distance, but at this point that anyone or anything that isn't Blaine and is harmless is more than welcome to wrap arms around Kurt.

The sounds continue to whine and Kurt is aware of what must be sirens and slamming of doors and shuffles of feet and a thousand voices. Kurt wants it to all be over, but is taken into the flurry and pulled away from those comforting arms and enters full-blown panic mode.

The sound is palpable as Kurt is removed from the backseat, but cannot grasp what is happening and begins to fight anyone who even touches him. _Where are you?_ Kurt wonders, needing the safeness and warmth back. _I need you._

And it's almost as if Kurt has said these words aloud because there is gentle hand touching his face and soothing him once again. Kurt doesn't know what's happening; He's frightened and dismayed and confused and horror-struck and lost, but that placating hand is calming and comforting and everything he needs.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Kurt is still trembling by the time Burt and Carole burst into the emergency room. Carole rushes over to him, but is stunned to find that Kurt is pulling away from any physical contact.

"Kurt?" Carole whispers, eyes brimming with tears. Burt hesitantly approaches before gently placing a hand on his shoulder. Kurt doesn't protest, but begins to shake uncontrollably on contact and is confused. Burt is Kurt's father, but any touch whether harmless or harmful feels foreign and painful to him.

"Hey, kid." Burt drops his hand from Kurt's shoulder, but looks frightened and Kurt is dazed. Nothing around him seems to be clear or focused, but there is a nagging feeling inside of him asking for his savior. At that moment, a doctor enters with a clipboard in hand and a grave, understand expression.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Michele," Dr. Michele speaks and reaches out a hand to Burt. "I'm assuming your Kurt's parents?"

"Yes," Burt says, momentarily shaking Dr. Michele's hand before asking questions with his eyes. Carole is clinging onto Burt's arm, looking at Kurt with a mix of disbelief and fret and fear. "Is Kurt..."

"Kurt is in shock," Dr. Michele speaks as if this is news to anyone. Kurt tries to quell his shaking, but is breathing irregularly. Kurt can feel a gentle hand on his shoulder, but does not fight it and can feel the tears beginning to slip from his eyes again. "I'm sorry, Mr. Hummel, Mrs. Hummel but - "

"Just tell me what's happening," Burt is speaking with an edge of danger in his voice, failing to control it properly.

Dr. Michele sighs as if not wanting to speak, but meets eyes with Burt's and says, "How much do you know?"

Burt doesn't answer but instead closes his eyes and takes a deep breath as if collecting himself. "I know that Kurt..."

Kurt cannot hear anything else because there is a sudden screeching sound and a burst of light and yelling and - _"Kurt?" _Kurt is sobbing, not even bothering to control himself and flinches when a hand reaches out to him. Every part of Kurt's body is on fire, especially his rapidly beating heart. The world feels distant and empty and still until a voice firmly, but gently says his name: _"Kurt." _And a familiar touch is all that brings Kurt back to the real world that is spinning, but coming into focus while the pounding in his ears is slowly becoming nothing.

"Kurt." Kurt practically jumps into the offered embrace of the person before him, still dizzy and confused by what is happening. For a few minutes - or maybe hours? - there is conversation that Kurt cannot pinpoint and a murmur of concerned voices. Kurt doesn't listen and doesn't want to and opts to bury his face into the face of who he knows is his savior. There is a faint smell of alcohol and sweat lingering on this person's clothing, but Kurt thinks it might his own self considering what happened before... _Before. _Kurt is pushing every thought out of his mind, but the subtle flashes in his mind of the events that transpired keep appearing. Kurt shudders, clinging tighter if that's even possible at this point. It takes quite a while, but everything seems to be coming back into focus and it's then when Kurt notices that his trembling has stopped.

"Kurt." The voice whispers into his ear hesitantly, but comfortingly and Kurt can see a familiar face coming to focus. For a second, his stomach drops but then reminds himself of all that has happened and cannot stop a few tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Sebastian," Kurt murmurs into his shoulder, holding on more tightly as if his life depended on it. "Don't leave."

Kurt isn't sure if Sebastian responds, but hears a distant mumble of "I won't." Kurt is consumed by another level of emotions as Sebastian continues to soothe him, stroking his back. The events of the night feel exhausting to even think about and Kurt isn't sure how or when or why all of this happened. But there is a part of himself that is saying _Shut up_ and just wants to let Sebastian keep making him feel... _safe._

"Kurt?" Another voice that isn't Sebastian's says quietly and Kurt slowly removes his face from the crook Sebastian's neck before seeing his father. Burt looks distressed and confused and _scared_, nothing a father should be. "We need to step out for a moment. Will you be okay?"

Kurt is silently wondering why his father is telling him this because he's never felt any more okay, but nods slowly and watches as Carole and Burt leave the room followed by Dr. Michele. There is a silence that falls over the room, but it's not uncomfortable or awkward. In fact, it's almost reassuring, calming, and peaceful. Kurt doesn't pull away from Sebastian and is grateful that Sebastian doesn't have any ideas to leave. And Kurt can't believe that a stranger - a _rude_ stranger - that he's met yesterday is the person by his side in the midst of the chaos and fear. But maybe questioning it isn't worth it because as long as it feels this _right_ what does it matter?

There is a small temptation to speak, but what is there to say? Everything Kurt is thinking and wants to say is being communicating by the touch. _I need you, I need you, I need you. Don't leave me._ Kurt wonders if Sebastian knows what he's thinking. Sebastian doesn't speak, but moves to stroke the back of Kurt's head and gently tightens the embrace.

_I need you._

Kurt is about to speak when the door swings open, revealing a solemn-faced man and a starry-eyed, fidgety, but thrilled young kid.

"Kurt Hummel?" The man speaks harshly, but Kurt thinks that this must be the way he talks because the gentleness of his eyes is genuine.

"Yes?" Kurt wonders if the words have even escaped his throat. There a sudden flash of movement and Kurt panicking to see and feel that Sebastian is pulling away and grips onto his sleeve to keep him close. Sebastian's eyes flash in astonishment before gesturing for Kurt to be situated on the bed and takes a seat as well, wrapping his around Kurt's waist.

"I'm DI Cooper and this is my assistant, Nora." The DI is pulling out a notepad and meeting Kurt's gaze before speaking. "I'd like to ask you a few questions, if that's okay."

Kurt is hesitant, but nods and feels Sebastian's arm around his waist tighten. There is a flash of uncertainty in Sebastian's eyes, but Kurt wants to ignore it for the sake of cooperating and not seeming any more helpless than he is.

DI Cooper seems to feel dubious about asking questions as well but says tenderly, "Can you tell me what happened?"

Kurt feels his throat tighten and opens his mouth to speak, but feels nothing come out and instead begins to tremble again. Kurt feels dizzy again is before he knows it is laying down on the bed, eyes filled by a blinding light but hears soothing words and feels less scared than he should be.

There is another conservation happening, but Kurt is not aware of anything except the warm hand of Sebastian's that is pressed against his own left one. Kurt can hear a question that makes his cheeks flush: "Is he your boyfriend?" But hears Sebastian quickly say "No." Kurt shifts uncomfortably but keeps his focus on the ceiling, not wanting to hear anymore.

A voice in Kurt's head is telling him to stop and process what has happened tonight - Is it even nighttime anymore? Because when Kurt begins to piece it all together, none of makes sense. Because there is no way in hell that Blaine - Oh, god the name feels distant and foreign and unfamiliar after whispering it intimately for hours - would do such a thing to Kurt. Blaine is caring and selfless and kind and not a... Kurt can't even let himself think the word because all it brings back is a flash of breathless pain and discomfort. There's a moment that Kurt thinks that maybe the entire intimacy and love of their relationship... _It was all fake. _There's a part of Kurt that wants to believe that Blaine didn't mean any harm, but he isn't that young, cherub-faced sophomore anymore.

But Kurt thinks back to that night in Blaine's room a few days before. Why didn't Blaine do anything then? (And if Blaine is the villain here, the simple answer would be that no one would... do _that_ to anyone in his own home.) Kurt is contemplating what could have been happening in Blaine's mind until he cannot barely sort out anything in his own and is squeezing Sebastian's already familiar hand with his own.

* * *

Kurt is unsure what time it is, but it must be close to dawn. Sebastian hasn't left Kurt's side since and continues to placate Kurt, but says nothing other than the occasional "It's okay" or "I'm here for you." Before Kurt is aware of what's happening, Sebastian is leading him outside to where the sun has risen as if the traces of yesterday night have disappeared.

Burt and Carole still seem to be sorting a few things out at reception, but Kurt doesn't mind and doesn't let Sebastian's hand go. That's when Kurt nearly has a panic attack - apparently this isn't a joke to be made lightly anymore - when Sebastian lets Kurt's hand drop from his own. Kurt turns to Sebastian, his stomach in knots and his breathing already becoming a little unusual.

"I should - " Sebastian begins to say but purses his lips before continuing with a sigh. "I should leave."

It makes sense after all since the sun is up and Dalton classes begin at eight - Plus, Westerville is about a two and a half hour drive. Kurt is convincing himself that letting Sebastian return to Dalton is the proper thing to do, but there's a part of him that practically screaming for Sebastian not to leave his side.

And then it strikes him what he's thinking. It's unbelievable what can change in the course of twenty-four hours - How life can transform all over again into an unfamiliar mess just when we seem to begin to understand it all.

Kurt's head is starting to spin when he reaches out to take hold of Sebastian's hand. The matter of the fact is that Kurt isn't frantic about being left alone; It's being left by Sebastian that scares him.

"Kurt," Sebastian says in a firm voice, but doesn't fight his hand and instead takes it. "I - "

"Please?" Kurt is almost embarrassed at how broken his voice must sound, but remembers how empty everything felt in those moments when Sebastian wasn't by his side. "Just... For today." Kurt is lying because what he wants to say is _forever_, but it's ridiculous. Maybe for now, today is enough.

Sebastian doesn't have a chance to answer because Burt and Carole step outside in the next moments in a whispered conservation. Burt spots the two and smiles slightly before speaking.

"Hey, kid." Kurt is about to respond but realizes that his father isn't speaking to him, but to Sebastian. "You heading back?"

Sebastian doesn't answer, but instead meets Kurt's (pleading) stare. There is a mix of doubt and hesitation, but also compassion in those green eyes. "No," Sebastian says slowly, "I don't think so."

Kurt lets out a breath of almost relief and sees confusion then understanding in Burt and Carole's faces. Maybe if it's just a little while longer, Kurt will be able to let Sebastian on his way, but for now Kurt needs him - Kurt needs his savior.

* * *

A whispered conversation wakes Kurt, but not fully. It's a half-sleep, almost a trance that makes waking up all the way almost impossible, but let's Kurt hear everything around him to a certain extent. It takes for Kurt to recognize the warmth of his own bed - When did he...? But Kurt can barely make out the images of coming home with... _Sebastian_.

Unfortunately, none of the this is a dream - rather, nightmare - but reality. There is a sudden flash of blurred pictures that enter Kurt's mind, but he is too in between sleep and wake to fully picture each to the point of any possible panic attack or whatever Dr. Michele mentioned that would happen to Kurt from time to time.

_"But you have to let me see - "_

_"No, you can't, Rachel."_

Rachel? _What is Rachel doing here?_ But it seems to make sense to Kurt after a second - Kurt hasn't had the best of nights, has he? It only makes sense Rachel would want to be there for her best friend, but Kurt isn't positive he can handle any Rachel Berry-ness at the moment.

_"Finn, I have a right to - "_

_"Rachel, don't make this harder than it needs to be."_

_"I'm not doing anything but caring for my best friend." _

_"Yeah, well maybe Kurt doesn't need you."_

_"What makes you say that?"_

_"Well, because - "_

There is a second of silence before Kurt can hear Rachel... Gasping? Screaming? Squealing? Panicking? It's unclear at this point, but it's certain that Kurt has an undeniable urge to punch her in the face. Of course, Kurt loves Rachel but her presence hasn't being helping thus far. But the words "Get the fuck out, Rachel" can't seem to form on his lips. Besides, there is another voice speaking that does not belong to either Finn or Rachel.

"Um, hi." Despite the lack of words, this voice is the one that rouses Kurt from his sleep. It sounds as worn out as Kurt feels, but civil and a bit gauche and uncomfortable. There is a hazy shift in Kurt's eyes before focusing on the three figures before him.

Rachel is standing by his bedroom doorway, aghast and anxious and stricken by confusion. Finn stands by her side, shifting from foot to foot and seeming beyond all levels of awkward. Before Kurt can focus onto the last figure, Rachel is flinging himself at Kurt and it's not until his hand is empty that Kurt sees Sebastian, sitting by bedside and moving for Rachel to sit.

"Kurt," Rachel is refusing to let Kurt from her clingy embrace, but it's evident that Kurt is uncomfortable because his attempts to pull away and constant shifting. Rachel notices, frowning and pulls back to share a look with Finn before speaking in a smaller voice. "Kurt?"

"_Rachel_," Finn's voice is firm but shaky. Rachel steps back farther, but doesn't drop her eyes from Kurt's sleepy eyes and there is a pained gasp that escapes her lips. Kurt notices that Rachel's been staring at his neck and in response holds his hand up to his neck to feel a sharp pain before pulling back.

"Oh, my god," Rachel says on the verge of tears. "Kurt - I, are you - " Finn doesn't allow Rachel to say anything further and takes her by the arm in a gentle manner, pulling her out of the room before meeting Kurt's eyes. Kurt can hardly make out the look in Finn's eyes - Pity? Confusion? Worry? Compassion? Maybe disappointment. But Kurt knows that this last one is just an invention in his own mind as Finn closes the door behind him.

Kurt doesn't even become conscious of his limbs relaxing and slowly turns to look at Sebastian, who is not meeting the other boy's eyes. Kurt is wondering how bad the is damage is on his neck and dares to take a look. Kurt pushes back the covers and his feet touch the floor, struggling to stand on his own two feet. And that's when he notices that he might not be able to walk for the remainder of the day because of the ache in between his legs. Sebastian is alert by Kurt's leaving bed and rushes to his side, trying to steady him back into bed.

"Kurt - " That voice is undoubtedly compassionate and caring and - _Sebastian_. Kurt can feel Sebastian trying to settle him down, but fights back with whatever energy he is still possessing before Sebastian surrenders and helps Kurt to the bathroom.

Kurt allows himself a deep breath before staring into the reflection. There is visible wince of pain from his face by just looking at himself. The first part of his body that his eyes dart to is his neck, which is worth an overdramatic Rachel Berry gasp. The skin is bruised, stained with bits of yellow and purple and trailing down to his collarbone. It looks raw and beaten, but also almost unnatural and inhuman. Kurt is hesitant to look at his face, but takes the risk and does. It's almost scary knowing that this is his own face staring back, not a petrified, hurt, and abused little boy. Kurt's eyes are bloodshot and puffy - Probably from the crying and lack of a proper sleep. And his skin on his face differs little from that on his neck from the its usual porcelain-colored tone turned into small but monstrous blotches of red and yellow and purple and - Oh, god. _Who is that?_ Is all that Kurt can think before looking away in shame and dread.

"Kurt?" Kurt doesn't meet Sebastian's eyes, but shifts to move back to the bed and Sebastian obliges, not letting his hand drop from Kurt's waist.

When Kurt settled back into the bed and Sebastian takes his seat is when Kurt speaks in a voice barely above in a hoarse whisper, "I don't know what to think." There is a moment that tears threaten to fall from Kurt's eyes, but he uses every fiber of his being to hold them back at least for a little while.

"What do you mean?" Sebastian responds, not pressing for an answer but asking out of maybe what is obligation or manners or whatever.

"My mind is just - " Kurt gulps and takes a moment to blink back the tears and the flashes of light. "It's a mess. Everything is just... jumbled. I don't know what to think."

Sebastian is silent, either not wanting to respond or not knowing how to respond. Kurt dares himself to take a look, seeing nothing but... kindness. This isn't the boy Kurt met at the Lima Bean only what must be two days ago at this point.

"Don't," Sebastian's voice is barely audible but almost broken. "Think, I mean. Don't."

"What - ?" Kurt begins, but his cut short by the squeeze of a hand - Sebastian was holding his hand this entire time?

"Don't think, don't worry. Just... breathe," Sebastian talks as if this is all news to him as well, but continues. "At least for now."

"Okay," Kurt lets the one word from his tongue before realizing what he's said. And it's not as if Kurt can do much else at this point because he's drifting back into a dreamless, empty sleep while holding onto Sebastian's hand with everything he has.


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **So you can see where the story is headed after this, but it's still not gonna pick up until chapter four or five-ish. And to answer a question in the reviews, I'd originally planned on switched POVs between Kurt and Sebastian, but I've decided against that. Thank you for reviewing :D

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Kurt is starting to think that he returned to school too quickly. Maybe it's not even his own problems, but the way everyone else is handling them/him. Yes, Kurt may be in a slightly fragile state, but that doesn't give everyone an excuse to coddle him.

Of course, leading the Kurt Hummel Protection Program is one Ms. Rachel Berry. It's not as if Kurt doesn't (somewhat) value Rachel's care for him, but it's borderline mad - It's the Bully Whips all over again but much, much worse. All of New Directions stick to him and he can't shake the idiots away and Kurt knows that there is only one person that'll give him space while being a comfort.

Kurt doesn't want to text or call Sebastian too often. Sebastian does have a life after all - This much he made clear during that first meeting at the Lima Bean what seems years ago. But there's this nagging feeling of _Sebastian understands _that is constant in the back of Kurt's jumbled, still shocked mind.

"Kurt!" Kurt flinches at the sound and not because it's Rachel's insufferable voice. Rachel appears at his side about to speak until she sees his expression. "What - What's wrong? Kurt?"

_You_, Kurt is tempted to say. But there's no point in taking out his sensitivity problems on a person who is to an extent helping the only way she can - Kurt loves Rachel but he can only take her energy in certain increments.

"Nothing," Kurt replies easily in his hollow voice and closes his locker in the gentlest way possible, but not before catching a glimpse of the empty space once occupied by Blaine's picture and the word _Courage_. There is a sickening feeling in his stomach as he begins to walk away, not listening to the slight anger and anxiety in Rachel's echoing voice, reverberating in the hallway.

Kurt can't ignore the looks of his fellow schoolmates as he walks, trying to keep his head down. The people who once mocked and ridiculed him have left him alone but also given him looks of downright sympathy. Kurt hates feeling lost and broken and helpless, but can't change the way people look at him. Who's to say he wouldn't be treating any other person in his situation the same way? But with even the underclassman and nerds and geeks sending _those_ looks his way it makes his blood boil and his heart wrench and -

_Oh, god. _Kurt rushes into the bathroom by the time the bell rings. Fortunately, it's empty. Kurt drops his messenger bag onto the floor and grips both ends of the sink with his hands and stares into the mirror. His appearance is disheveled, but not as bad as the day after. But considering it's only been about - What, three days? Four days? Time has lost him - Kurt is still not put together. There's a certain beat in his step and snark in his voice missing - Kurt's not himself.

For a moment, Kurt is conflicted. Everyone would be understanding if he decided to head home, but what good would that do? Kurt Hummel is a fighter. But it's at that moment there is an odd churning in his stomach and he rushes over to a bathroom stall to throw up every bit of food and water in his system, which hasn't been much in the past few days. The burning in his throat feels more humiliating than the cold shame of a slushee in his face - It's his own body and mind working against him, not a moron jock hating him because of a silly homophobia. When he's purged his body of everything he can, there is a moment Kurt considers leaving school, leaving Lima, maybe leaving the country.

A low chime brings him back to his senses, that makes his heart skip a beat. Kurt tells himself not to be too expectant since it could be Rachel or Mercedes, but he fishes his phone out his bag and is relieved to see Sebastian's name instead. There is a single word in the text message: _Breathe_.

Kurt obeys and feels he has forgotten to breathe for the last few minutes - The rush of oxygen in his lungs feels incredible. Kurt continues to stare at Sebastian's text message and is reminded of a similar one from Blaine about a year ago. There is a sting of bitterness in his heart and panic that is replaced with relief from a deep breath.

Blaine is the past.

Kurt repeats those four words in his mind while reminding himself to breath before feeling enough composure to return to class. Of course his History teacher does not comment on his tardiness, but this irks Kurt as he takes his seat next to Tina. Fortunately for Kurt, Tina is not a pusher - Tina is a copious amount of unspoken understanding and limited physical contact. And since Tina is such an overachiever, it is an option for Kurt to let his mind drift or tune everyone out. But again there is that infamous Kurt Hummel pride to keep fighting and pretend that nothing has changed.

The day drags by and it's only because of the occasional texts from Sebastian that keep Kurt from fleeing the country. Kurt is anxious to ask when he can see Sebastian again, but knows better to let Sebastian be the one to bring up the topic.

_Remember that people only treat you the way they do because they want to help._

Kurt's mind darts to Rachel at this one as well as every other damned person at school, but still feels trouble accepting this latest text message. Still, Kurt is able to reply to Sebastian: _I know._ There is more Kurt wants to send, but he hopes that Sebastian understands how much he is appreciated by those two small words.

Finn approaches Kurt at the end of the day babbling about maybe skipping Glee and maybe having a video game marathon and maybe ordering pizza - Kurt is able to cut him short by saying in a slightly more assertive voice than as of late "It's _fine_."

Finn is taken aback, but nods in earnest before studying Kurt and watching how his face lights up just a little bit when his phone chimes. But Kurt feels his heart sink upon seeing a message from Rachel, demanding that he come to Glee ASAP. Kurt grimaces, not bothering to reply and leading the way to the choir room, Finn shuffling behind him.

The moment Kurt enters, all conversation is hushed. Kurt's attention is directed to the white board and sees his name written in all capitalized letters in the prim handwriting of one Rachel Berry. Kurt understands why Finn seemed so insistent on skipping practice today - Because Finn knows that Kurt wants nothing more than to return to normalcy. There is no way that this fiasco to come will help that wish of Kurt's.

Mr. Shue is nowhere in sight, but Rachel is standing at the front of the choir room, gesturing for Finn and Kurt to take a seat. There is a wave of panic running through Kurt and a voice telling him it's not too late to make an escape but then there's a part of him that is screaming _Kurt Hummel is a fighter, damn it._ Kurt takes a seat at the end of the front row by Quinn and waits to see how this will unfold.

"Kurt," Rachel begins in a melodramatic voice and looking at him _that_ way. His stomach is already feeling a little sickened. "Because of... recent events, we've taken the liberty to devote this afternoon to - Well, consoling you. We understand that this has not been easy on you and we want you to know that we're here for you."

At that moment, Puck appears by Rachel's side with his guitar and begin to sing. James Taylor's _You've Got a Friend _has always been a favorite of Kurt's, but this will no longer be true after Rachel's overdramatic singing and near to tear eyes. Kurt endures the song, but feels nothing short of depressed from the music and lyrics. Knowing that Kurt is not alone is reassuring, but if his fellow Glee club members wanted to cheer him up a melodramatic song would be at the bottom of Kurt's list.

Mercedes does not hesitate to begin singing Mariah Carey's _Hero_. As usual, Mercedes is nothing short of remarkable, but there is that nagging feeling returning to Kurt as he checks his iPhone too many times in a minute, praying for another text message from Sebastian to save him.

When Tina, Santana, Brittany, and Sugar join Mercedes for a stripped down rendition of Florence and the Machine's _Shake It Out_, Kurt is hovering his fingertips over the keypad. What is Sebastian doing at this moment? _There's probably Warbler practice_, Kurt tells himself. _There's no way Sebastian would or could answer at this point._ Kurt reverts his attention to his friends at the front of the choir room, sending nothing but comfort his way.

_"It's always darkest before the dawn."_

_That isn't the truth,_ Kurt thinks and is tempted to say it aloud, but shuts up and reminds himself of the trouble his friends have done for Kurt.

But Kurt never asked to be consoled and coddled and treated this way. Why is anyone feeling obligated to make Kurt feel twice as helpless and hopeless than he already is? Kurt curls his hands into fists._ I'm not weak; I'm a fighter. _Kurt closes his eyes before a flash of light is there, blinding his shut eyes. The voices of his friends melt away and become replaced by tires screeching and yelling and shouting and Kurt's cries of help that echo in his mind, throwing everything into chaos. Kurt wants to stop it all, but can't move from his seat or is lying down now on the backseat of his Navigator? The pain resounds in Kurt, making it hurt in places it shouldn't and his mind is flashing pictures at him that don't make sense anymore and - _I can't do this._

"Kurt!" There are multiple voices that bring Kurt back to the real world. Kurt has to register for a moment that he has his face buried in his palms and is having trouble breathing. _What did Doctor Michele say? _But Kurt is too crowded to remember how to handle any flashbacks or panic attacks until there is a voice ordering everyone out of the way.

There is a sudden feeling of relief lifted from Kurt's chest as he can feel the bodies backing out of the way, letting a single person to Kurt who embraces his shaking body. Kurt doesn't need to look up to identify who it is because Kurt just _knows_. The panic and worry and frustration melts away, but Kurt knows that it's temporary and that these memories will come back to haunt him in dreams or moments of weakness. Kurt will never be safe, forever vulnerable to his own self.

"I guess I showed up at a good time," Sebastian's voice is hoarse and a little scratchy as he whispers into Kurt's ear. Kurt wants to laugh at this, but can't feel his body respond and instead lets minutes pass before feeling a sense of stability and the trembling subsides.

"How did you know," Kurt's voice is small as he asks.

"I don't know," Sebastian responds just as softly. "I just did."

Kurt is tempted to just stay in Sebastian's arms forever, hoping that any fear of being open to attack from his memories will dissolve, but he remembers that there is an on looking audience. Kurt counts to ten before hoping that everyone has disappeared by now and removes his head from the crook of Sebastian's shoulder to see that's the last thing anyone is.

Finn doesn't look that shocked, but almost relieved. Rachel is staring open-mouthed - Kurt isn't sure why because none of this is brand new to her. Mercedes is exchanging a speechless look with Santana. Kurt isn't able to take a look at his other Glee club members because Brittany speaks in a confused voice to Santana.

"Is that Blaine's replacement?"

Kurt freezes at the name and swallows. Nothing Brittany has ever said has been hurtful, but just... dense or dim. But this comment - Not intended to be upsetting, Kurt knows - is a bit of a slap in the face in the moment. Kurt is torn, but then moves out of Sebastian's half-embrace and is running out of the choir room, not hearing what is being said behind him.

There is ache blossoming in Kurt's heart, not panic or fear. Kurt searches for a place to run to, but is caught by a voice. But it isn't Sebastian's, it's Quinn's. Kurt stops in the middle of the empty hallway and waits for Quinn to walk up to him before bracing himself to face the former Queen Bee.

Kurt hasn't been paying attention these days to see how _tired_ Quinn looks. There is an energy in her eyes that has died, but it doesn't take away from the firmness of her voice. "Kurt."

"Yes, Quinn?" Kurt asks in a broken voice. There is a moment when Kurt wonders why Quinn is talking to Kurt because it's not as if the two have been pals in the past or shared a special friendship. Kurt clears his throat while avoiding those haunting eyes of Quinn Fabray.

"You're broken, Kurt," Quinn says bluntly, not hiding her intention by small talk or being gentle. But that is Quinn Fabray for you. When Kurt doesn't respond either because he doesn't know what to say or because he refuses or maybe both, Quinn speaks in a steady voice. "Kurt, I can't tell you what to do with your life, but you can't keep avoiding your feelings or your emotions. You're locking it all away because you're too damn scared to face it."

Kurt wants to tell Quinn that maybe a little sympathy would help seeing as it hasn't been too long, but stops himself and thinks that Quinn is giving him what he's been asking for: _Truth_. While everyone else has been feeding him nothing but empty words and promises of comforts, Quinn is being frank to Kurt about what he needs to do.

"I don't know what you're going through, Kurt," Quinn's voice softens at Kurt's noticeable change of emotions and thoughts. "But I suffered my fair share, too. I let people step all over me and tell me what I needed, but that's it - I didn't think for myself. You can either live your life letting people pity you or you can be honest to yourself about you need. There's no point in hiding from yourself, Kurt."

Kurt takes Quinn's advice into consideration because it is nothing he's heard as of late, but is hesitant to respond. Quinn must have a radar for other people's feelings because no one else has been thinking that maybe, _maybe_ Kurt isn't okay with what he's being offered anymore.

"How did you know?" Kurt asks for the second time that day, but to another ally he didn't know he had. Kurt half-expects for Quinn to give the same answer, but instead Quinn has a thoughtful look before speaking.

"Because I can see how safe you feel around him," Quinn says simply, not paying attention to Kurt's visible blush. Kurt is about to speak or rather stammer about how she has misinterpreted the situation, but Quinn shakes her head. "Just do what you need to, okay?"

"Okay," Kurt says in a confused, young voice and is glad that Quinn does not hesitate to take him into a brief embrace that is only slightly uncomfortable for Kurt. Quinn disappears, not demanding anything from Kurt except to take care of himself.

Kurt feels a sudden wave of guilt from the times he misjudged Quinn in previous years for being overdramatic and needy. There is a silence for a few minutes before Kurt hears footsteps and looks up to see a Sebastian with an unreadable expression that transforms into a smile upon seeing Kurt.

"Hey," Sebastian says, probably relieved that Kurt seems composed enough to be standing up. "I would have come out earlier, but that Rachel girl - "

"I want to transfer to Dalton," Kurt interjected, remembering what makes him sane and safe is all that he needs. There is only a flicker of hope that Sebastian will accept this instead of running away when Kurt needs him the most. Kurt dares himself to meet Sebastian's eyes and feels relief mixed with gratefulness and sincerity because what he sees is a smile on Sebastian's face.

"Okay."


End file.
